Archive for inner child

Making Friends with My Body

I have have the privilege of taking a four week class from Wendy Kelly called “You are the Miracle.”  This class is about getting in touch with the wisdom of the body, becoming friends with your body, and trusting that your body, when given the time, love and attention it needs, can heal itself.

I have been using muscle testing for years, asking my body what is in its best and highest good.  What I am learning most from the class is how to befriend my body and remember that it is my closest ally.

This morning in the NY Times, a blog post called Go easy on Yourself, talks about the importance of having self-compassion.  A study on self compassion showed that those who scored high on a self compassion test have less anxiety and depression.

Dr. Kristin Neff created a self compassion website based around her book, and I looked at the self compassion test.  I have some work to do. I am harder on myself than I am on anyone around me.  I would never talk to others, even my enemies, the way I talk to myself.  When I feel inadequate in some way, I usually berate myself for not doing a better job.

I am grateful for Wendy’s class, giving me a chance to focus on and build a better relationship with my body. It is the only body I will ever have, and it has gotten me through some very tough spots.  I am working on giving it more credit, being more forgiving, and loving it more and more each day. So how are you with your own self compassion?  Does your body feel loved and appreciated?

Below is the first video in a series by Dr. Kristin Neff on self compassion. Enjoy.

Tigger Awaits

Today is the day!  After seventeen weeks away, Becca is finally coming home from her semester abroad.  It has been an amazing experience for her, yet she is just as excited as we are for her to arrive home.  Even Tigger and the Christmas Bear await hugs from Becca.

I love that my little girl is grown up enough to travel around the world, but still comes home to snuggle in with her stuffed animals.  I can already hear Becca laughing with her sisters, connecting again with late night  stories.  The texting of movie quotes will begin soon, absent since the cost of texting was prohibitive in Europe. And cookies will be baked, as Becca re-acquaints herself with the family kitchen.  We have saved the baking of the Hershey kiss cookies for her.  And Becca will also set up the wooden train, still in the box awaiting her arrival.

My heart feels light and joyous as I, like Tigger, await the love that Becca brings wherever she goes.    The message on facebook, “Mama, five days!” melted my heart as her voice rang out in the silent exchange.   Being the parent of three lovely daughters is one of the greatest blessings in my life, and I am forever grateful that Becca has traveled safely home.  Now I look forward to the pictures and stories of her travels, and the many hugs that will be shared in the month that she is home from school.  Family time is my favorite time, and I look forward to being present to my girls and Tony for the next couple of weeks.  Life is amazing!  Thank you God!

Emotional Eating

The Self Care Scoop
Self Care

Feeding Your Soul

I love sharing the story of an 8 year old girl named Gracie who wanted to eat nothing but junk food.  Her mother was complaining to a coach who specialized in emotional eating that her daughter just kept gaining weight and she was afraid she had given her daughter her own food issues.
When the coach found out that there were no immediate health concerns, she told the mother to create a chocolate cupboard, Gracie’s favorite food, and keep it stocked.  Gracie could eat however much she wanted.  In the first week, the mom filled the cupboard four times.  By the second week, she had to restock it once, and the third week, not at all.

What about you?  What if you could give yourself a cupboard full of your favorite food?  What if you let yourself eat it without criticizing yourself?

This exercise was not about food.  It was about Gracie’s desire to have her mother’s attention.  Gracie wanted her mother to trust her, and in the process, she also learned to trust herself.  The drama around food and weight gain was the language that Gracie used to communicate with her mother.  Food was never the issue.

We use food all the time to communicate with our bodies.  Unfortunately, we are not always listening.  Do you really believe that if you let yourself, you would eat your way across your entire kitchen?  The question is, what do you really need?  Consider asking yourself that question next time you feel the need to shove anything in your mouth.  “What do I really need?”
If you could put anything in that cupboard, my guess is, it wouldn’t be food.

It would be love and self-acceptance, so that you could see yourself as you really are, worthy of the abundance that life has to offer.  Or maybe it would be the time to take care of yourself.
When we become aware of our relationship with food, we can better nourish our souls, and our bodies.

For more information on emotional eating, check out
Geneen Roth

Thawing my Winter Heart

I love the quiet of the mornings when everyone else is off to school and work, and I get to sit down for some quiet reflection.  Last night we got a dusting of snow.  Now as the sun dances across the shimmering surfaces, I watch as the snow melts off the mailbox, first in drips, then in a large chunk.  The melting reminds me that green things will be growing soon.

It is that time of year when we begin to thaw out, and make way for spring.  So what in my life needs to thaw so I can grow?  What have I closed my heart to because of fear, depression, anger, and how can I bring that part of my heart back to life?

I was talking to a friend the other day about the healing journey we continue to walk together, and I made a comment about how much “stuff” there is to deal with in life, and wondered what happens to those people who don’t ever take the time to reflect and learn from the experiences of their lives.  I know that the more work I do on myself, the more work I find to do.  I am the never ending onion, peeling back a layer and finding another underneath.  Yet somehow I know that I am getting closer to the essence of who I am.

George Leonard, author of Mastery says that the traveler is fortunate if the path is profound and complex enough to make the destination two miles farther away for every mile he or she travels.   That is what the journey of life feels like.  When the obstacles in my way become opportunities to grow and shift my view of the world, then I am truly living the journey, not waiting for the destination.   This has been so true for me this year.  I started out with all my goals lined up, and a broken wrist became an obstacle to reaching those goals.  Now I am happy to have had the time to learn the lessons of slowing down, to rediscover my inner child, and learn to embrace her as part of my life.  I realize that any goal I set needs to have balance so that I can continue to nurture my ability to play, be creative, and have fun.

Today I will embrace whatever challenge comes my way because I know that there is new life on the other side of that challenge.  I am looking for things that need to thaw in me, and using the resources of the abundance universe to help me do that.  I am melting my hardened ways and looking to be more gentle with myself and others.

Happy Birthday to a Wonderful Me!

I just celebrated my birthday on Saturday.  I was touched by one of the cards I received in the mail.   It said,”May this next year of your life be as good for you as you are to everyone else.”  I think it struck me because the whole first part of this year, with my broken wrist and learning to journal left handed, has been about taking care of me.  This was just another gentle reminder that I am someone worth taking care of!

I realize that if I don’t take care of me, I get tired quickly and I tend to be more judgmental of myself.  This leads to me being more judgmental of others.

During this season of Lent, the 40 days before Easter, I am going to work on taking better care of myself.  It is time to get back to my regular exercise routine.  It is a great period of time to eat less sweets and more vegetables and fruits.  And it is a good time to work on my relationships.

Today, I did an exercise with my husband that we will do with engaged couples in a workshop setting.  I told him 5 things I appreciated about him, and then he told me 5 things that he appreciates about me.  One of my appreciations of Tony was how he is really present when we talk, looking into my eyes and letting me know that what I have to say is important.  That is what I would like to work at giving back to him over the next 40 days.  Again, this comes back to being present to my own needs.   When I don’t treat myself with respect, I don’t treat others with respect.  I am listening better to my inner child, and I will listen better to those around me.

Lighting a candle helps to bring my attention back to the present moment.  So when I am with self, or with other important people in my life, I am going to use a candle as a way to remember that I am Divine, and those around me are Divine also.  I will look for the light of love within myself as well as in others.

I love that the universe keeps giving me chances to get this love thing right.  I continue to work on loving myself so I can love others more presently and completely.  Happy Birthday me!  I am proud of the journey you are taking, and the progress you are making!  Yea!

Climbing Trees

The following conversation is between me, the adult, and my inner child Jannie. I began writing a conversation with my right hand, and my left hand wrote the answer.  Although this is not the starting point of our conversation, it seems right to post it first.

ME: I have been listening to a meditation on inner peace, and the voice says to let go of fear and embrace self-trust and self-confidence.  Will you be able to trust me and let go of the fear you have been carrying for so long?

JANNIE: There was a time when I played freely and didn’t have fear.  My friend Susan and I would climb the tallest of trees in City Park and yell hi to people as they walked by.  Sitting in the branches, surrounded by the protection of leaves, I would look up to the sky and watch the clouds take shape across the deep blue, and the world was full of possibilities.  When did I stop dreaming?  Somewhere along the way, I lost my confidence and my ability to shout from the tops of trees.  I became afraid.  Since you have been better at taking care of yourself ( us) I am beginning to trust you more.  But I am concerned about what will happen when you are fully recuperated and you get back to a normal work schedule.  What will happen to me then?  Do I become the quiet, forgotten being?  Are you really going to take care of me?

ME: I don’t want to let you down again Jannie.  You are too valuable and precious to me.  I was really angry when I fell and broke my wrist because it didn’t allow me to write what I thought was the most important  story at the time.  But over the past month, as I have begun to listen to you and your wisdom, I am gaining more trust in you too.  There have been times in the past where your actions would anger me- like when you feel like you need to be in control over a situation.  I understand that is how you feel safe- when you are in control.  But I think we need to learn to work together- use my adult knowledge and your creativity and fun to create our future together.  We can make the world a safe place.  I can promise you that I will do my best to keep you safe, knowing full well that the biggest threat to you is no longer an outside force but it is me-getting too busy and neglecting you.  I don’t want that to happen so how can we work together?

JANNIE: I hope you continue to let me speak through a pen. If you keep giving me the ability to communicate, I think I can learn to trust again.    It feels good to be heard.  I want to be heard, because just thinking about endless possibilities makes me want to climb trees again.   It may take awhile, but I like the little steps we are taking together.

The Power of Your Other Hand

“In teaching hundreds of people to write with both hands, I’ve observed over and over that writing done with the other hand often expresses the disowned and oppressed parts of the self.  With profound simplicity the other hand speaks for the powerless, weak, subordinate aspect of the personality…  It is easier to express feelings by writing with the other hand.  For that reason, it is an excellent therapeutic technique.  Scribbling out rage, fear, frustrations, sadness, helplessness, and vulnerability can bring immeasurable relief, both physically and emotionally. It is a wonderful way to reduce stress caused by the buildup of emotions.  It’s a safe method for letting off steam without hurting anyone or anything.  It is a playful way to dump emotions without attacking others or the environment.”      The Power of Your Other Hand, by Lucia Capacchione,PHD


Oh, the things we take for granted:  Our ability to use our wrists and fingers without fatigue.  As I am healing from wrist surgery, I realize how I need to allow my body to rest after a little computer work.  I am rebuilding my strength, but it will take time.  So I am learning to write left handed to take a little load off my right wrist. I love this journey I am taking because it is getting me in touch with my inner child, and I am learning how out of balance my life has become.  I have been so stuck in the doing world, that I have neglected myself, especially the creative side of myself.  Getting back in touch with my inner voice is beginning to make my body feel a little more centered.  Using Lucia’s book as a reference, I am making my way through exercises designed to give voice to that part of me that has so long gone without being heard.  Trauma in my childhood caused me to lose my inner voice, and my ability to speak up for my needs. Through years of journaling, counseling, and body work, and am working toward a more complete and balanced me.  Jannie, my inner child, has agreed to teach me what I have long forgotten:  Life is too short to be too serious, you have to play sometimes, and when we walk hand in hand with those we love, life is grand!  I will be sharing my journey with Jannie, and letting you in on the secrets she reveals.  I don’t think it will be earth shattering, and it won’t be anything you haven’t heard before.  But this will be in Jannie’s voice, and that is all that matters.